he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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