wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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