Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
