thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize