Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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