my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
My underwear smells like fireworks.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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