Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
