I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
