I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
