I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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