i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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