Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
