Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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