Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
