I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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