im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
