what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
