i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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