Your tits are I can't wait for
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
