I'm eating all of the evidence.
he shaved USA in his pubs
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
