I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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