Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
