Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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