You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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