the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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