So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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