one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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