We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
