I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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