If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
