Swine flu. Run for my life!
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
