he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize