he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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