I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
