Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
