I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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