Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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