you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
