just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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