i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
