I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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