Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
