Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
