hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
