I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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