I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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