I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
