bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
