i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
