She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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