did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
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