Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
