it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
