It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
