So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize