Swine flu. Run for my life!
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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