I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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