Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
