They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
In other news, I just burned my penis
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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