there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
