I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
