pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
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hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
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When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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