my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
