Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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