That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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