you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
