Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Someone came in the potted fern
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My liver is preforming stress tests.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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