By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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