Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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