I just made out with a guy for $7.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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