If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
