i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
