I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
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