im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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