just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
