Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
