just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
