Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
