yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
