So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
