She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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