I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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