I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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