____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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